LOVE Parenting:
Communicating with Response not Reaction

Responding effectively looks much different than reacting emotionally. This framework provides a roadmap for Friendly Parenting: fostering deeper connections, mutual understanding, and emotional support in relationships. Let’s explore each component of the LOVE approach and how it can transform your interactions.

*Pssssst: This is really helpful for romantic relationships as well!

​

 

LO: Listen Openly

 

Listening Openly is the first step in effective communication. It involves fully concentrating on what the other person is saying without interrupting or formulating a response in your mind while they speak.

 

How to Listen Openly:

• Give Full Attention: Put away distractions (such as your phone), make eye contact, and focus on your child. This shows that you value their words and are genuinely interested.

• Avoid Interrupting: As hard as it is to keep it to yourself, just listen.

• Use Active Listening Techniques: Nod, use verbal affirmations like “I see,” or “Okay,” and "Tell me more,"

• Ask "Do you want me to just listen or are you seeking advice?" *Almost every time they will ask you to simply listen but then once they're done they may say something along the lines of "so what should I do??"

 

Major Parent Brownie Points:

Open listening fosters trust and encourages your child to share more freely. Whether it's a child expressing their worries or telling you something they might get in trouble for, feeling heard and respecting that time together strengthens the bond between you.

 

 

V: Validate

Validation is about acknowledging the other person’s feelings and experiences without judgment. It shows that you recognize their emotions as legitimate, even if you don’t necessarily agree with them.

 

How to Validate:

• Acknowledge Their Feelings: Use phrases like “I can see you’re upset,” or “It’s understandable that you feel that way.”

• Normalize Their Emotions: Let them know that their feelings are common and okay. For example, “Many kids feel nervous before a big game,” or “It’s normal to feel overwhelmed sometimes.”

• Avoid Dismissing or Minimizing: Stay away from comments like “You shouldn’t feel that way” or “It’s not a big deal.” Instead, focus on understanding their perspective.

• Say Thank You: It took big guts to bring something to you. Whether the information is good or not, thanking your kids for offering it to you is important for them to continue feeling safe in conversation.

 

Major Parent Brownie Points:

Validation helps to build emotional safety. When your child feels their feelings are acknowledged, they are more likely to open up and communicate more deeply in the future.

 

 

E: Express

 

Expressing is the act of sharing your own thoughts and feelings after listening and validating. This is crucial for maintaining a balanced dialogue and for ensuring that both parties feel heard.

 

How to Express:

• Start with a "Thank You"- We said it already but it deserves to be said again. This step is crucial for trust building, comfort and safety and strong relationships. Even if you don't like what you are hearing, say thank you.

• Share Your Thoughts: After validating their feelings, express your own perspective respectfully. Use “I” statements to convey your thoughts, such as “I feel concerned when…” or “I think it might help to…” or "Help me understand better," or "It is hard for me to hear this so I need a little time to process and think about the next best steps/ Let's talk about this again after dinner."

• Avoid Fixing: If they come to you with a problem, the best response is "Oh man, what are you going to do about it?" or "How can I help you brainstorm some solutions." or "We can figure this out together."

• Encourage Dialogue: Invite them to share their thoughts on your perspective. For example, “What do you think about that?” This creates a two-way conversation.

 

 

Major Parent Brownie Points:

Expressing your own feelings helps prevent misunderstandings and allows both parties to have their voices heard. This balance enhances mutual respect and trust in the relationship.

​

​

What LookUp is Trying to Say...

 

The LOVE approach—Listen Openly, Validate, Express—is a powerful framework for enhancing communication in parent-child relationships. It helps avoid emotional reactions so your child doesn't feel shamed, humiliated or scared to come talk to you. By actively listening, validating feelings, and expressing your own thoughts, you foster deeper connections and create a safe space for open dialogue.

 

When it comes to screens and our kids online, there is a high probability they will stumble onto content that either scares them or is inappropriate for their age.  Because you have built a strong relationship, they will feel comfortable being honest, even if it means they broke the rules.

 

Embrace the LOVE approach and watch your relationships flourish.