A Slippery Slope:
using screentime as a reward

When I first started using screen time as a reward for my kids (having 4 kids under 4-years-old calls for desperate measures) it felt like I had stumbled upon parenting gold. It worked like a charm—chores were done, homework was finished, and manners suddenly improved.

 

I thought I’d discovered the magical key to getting my kids to cooperate effortlessly.

 

It’s a familiar strategy for many parents, one that taps into the long-standing idea of using positive reinforcement to motivate kids.

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Just a decade or so ago, parenting experts often recommended finding a “special thing” your child loves and using it as the ultimate goal. It was common to hear advice like, “If they’re well-behaved, they get to pick the restaurant tonight,” or “When they finish their chores, they can choose a movie.” This positive reinforcement approach worked for things that generally enriched family connection and experiences.

But when screens—whether social media, video games, or shows—are used as the ultimate reward, we face new risks.

 

Unlike choosing a family outing or picking a restaurant, screens bring unique challenges that impact our children’s development and their relationship with technology. Here’s why relying on screens as a reward is a slippery slope that can encourage unhealthy habits and send confusing messages to our kids.

 

1. Using Screens as a Reward Promotes Screen Obsession

Screen time is an especially compelling reward. When screens become the “ultimate prize,” kids start to view them as the most desirable option, often above other activities. This approach can encourage kids to place more value on screens than on other enriching activities, like playing outdoors, reading, or simply spending time with family. Over time, kids might choose screens over more beneficial experiences, which can foster an unhealthy preoccupation with technology.

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2. Rewarding with Screens Can Lead to Unhealthy Outcomes

As parents, we usually offer rewards that support our children’s well-being, like praise, quality family time, or special activities. But using screens as a reward falls outside of this healthy model. Unlike rewards that promote physical or mental health—such as getting some new books, legos or a puzzle for good behavior—screens don’t benefit their overall development. Rewarding with screens is more akin to offering excessive sweets; while it might be highly appealing, it doesn’t align with the habits we want them to build. Instead, this practice can foster a pattern of turning to screens for comfort, motivation, or escape, which may lead to a dependence on screens to feel rewarded or satisfied.

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3. Screens as a Reward Create a Confusing Message About Motivation and Life Skills

Another risk of using screens as a reward is that it sends mixed messages about the motivation behind good behavior and responsibility. When screens are presented as the ultimate incentive, children may see screens as the only reason to act responsibly, rather than understanding the true value of these behaviors. For example, if a child is rewarded with screen time for helping around the house, they might start to see chores as something they only do to “earn” screen time, rather than recognizing the benefits of contributing to family life and gaining independence.

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Likewise, if they receive screen time for school achievements, they may focus more on the reward than on the pride of learning or the opportunities that come with academic success. This approach can dilute their intrinsic motivation, leading them to see screen time as the “why” behind their good choices, rather than internalizing the importance of self-discipline and positive life skills.

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The Risks of Treating Screens as the “Ultimate Reward”

While past approaches to parenting encouraged rewards for good behavior, it’s essential to remember that screens bring unique risks and dependencies. Unlike other rewards that enhance family bonding or create positive experiences, screens can encourage a narrow focus on technology, promote habits that lead to excessive screen use, and ultimately undermine the broader goals of building resilience, confidence, and intrinsic motivation.

 

Healthier Alternatives to Screen Rewards (Positive Reinforcement)

Instead of turning to screens, consider options that support your child’s overall well-being:

• Praise and Encouragement: Acknowledge their hard work and effort with verbal affirmation that reinforces their positive behaviors.

• Fun Family Activities: Reward them with a special outing, game night, or family activity that builds connection and memories.

• Choice of Non-Screen Activities: Let them choose a favorite hobby or activity, like a craft project or extra outdoor playtime.

• Personal Time for Hobbies: Give them time to engage in interests that bring joy and fulfillment, such as reading, sports, or music.

 

What LookUp is Trying to Say...

Using screens as a reward can feel like a magical solution in the short term, but over time, it can lead to screen fixation and a confusing message about what truly matters. By choosing alternatives that promote healthy habits and intrinsic motivation, we can help our children develop a balanced relationship with screens and a well-rounded perspective on life’s rewards.