How to Talk to Your Kids: About Accidentally Stumbling Onto Pornography Online and Ways To Prevent It From Happening
In today’s digital world, it’s almost inevitable that children will encounter content online that is inappropriate or disturbing, including pornography. While this is an uncomfortable subject for most parents, it’s crucial to address it head-on.
Having an open and supportive conversation about what to do if your child stumbles onto pornography can help them navigate such situations safely and build trust between you and your child.
Why This Conversation Matters
Accidentally encountering pornography can be a confusing and unsettling experience for children. Without guidance, they may feel shame, fear, or curiosity that they don’t know how to handle. Addressing this topic early and openly creates a safe space for your child to come to you if it happens and ensures they understand how to respond appropriately. It also gives you an opportunity to reinforce healthy boundaries and digital habits.
Steps for Parents to Guide Their Children
If your child tells you they’ve accidentally seen pornography online, or if you suspect they have, follow these steps to handle the situation effectively:
1. Stay Calm: Your reaction will set the tone. Remain composed to avoid scaring or shaming your child.
2. Turn It Off: Teach your child to immediately close the device, app, or browser if they come across inappropriate content. Let them know it’s okay to walk away and that they’ve done nothing wrong.
3. Come Find Mom or Dad: Reassure your child that they should always come to you if this happens. Emphasize that they will not get in trouble for being honest.
4. Thank Them for Their Honesty: Acknowledge their bravery in telling you. This reinforces trust and makes them feel safe sharing future concerns.
5. Check In on Their Feelings: Ask your child how they’re feeling about what they saw. Validate their emotions and let them know it’s okay to feel confused, upset, or curious.
6. Set Up Appropriate Blocks and Controls: After addressing the immediate situation, review and update parental controls, filters, and device settings to minimize the chances of this happening again. Explain these measures to your child as proactive steps to protect them.
Here’s a script you can adapt to your own parenting style:
“Hey [child’s name], I want to talk to you about something important. Sometimes when we’re using the internet, we can accidentally see pictures or videos that are not meant for kids. If that ever happens, the most important thing to remember is that it’s not your fault. What you should do is close it right away and come tell me or [other parent/caregiver]. I promise you won’t get in trouble for telling me. I’ll always be here to help you and answer any questions you might have. Have you ever seen anything online that made you feel uncomfortable or confused? It’s okay to talk to me about it.”
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Here is a GREAT book you can read with your kids to help with the conversation as well!
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If your child says yes, follow up with:
“Thank you for telling me. That was really brave of you. Let’s talk about what happened and how it made you feel. I’m here to listen and help. What you saw wasn’t meant for kids, and it’s not something you should have to worry about. Together, we’ll make sure your devices are set up to keep you safe moving forward.”
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A Few LookUp Tips for Success
- Normalize the Conversation: Frame this as part of an ongoing dialogue about online safety rather than a one-time talk.
- Use Age-Appropriate Language: Tailor your explanations to your child’s age and understanding.
- Revisit the Topic: As your child grows, their online interactions will evolve. Regularly check in to ensure they feel supported and safe.
What LookUp is Trying to Say...
Although it may feel awkward, having this conversation is one of the best ways to protect your child in the digital age. By fostering open communication, you’re equipping your child with the tools to navigate the online world responsibly and confidently. Remember, your goal isn’t to shield them from every possible harm but to empower them to handle challenges with your guidance and support.